Goddess at Play Started When I Began to Feel Me
Right in the middle of COVID-19, I was living in Costa Rica in an unhappy relationship. I was a codependent woman—dependent on being liked and accepted, and I had become disconnected from the power within me.
When the pain and emptiness became greater than my fear of loss, I walked away, leaving behind everything I had worked for.
Once I made the decision to leave, my paradigm shifted. Spirit began to communicate with me through my body and sometimes through what felt like non-audible words.
“I was so stuck in my head that I had lost touch with my body—how to feel it, listen to it, and understand what it needed.
I felt discomfort, stiffness, and pain in my body, but I couldn’t “feel” what my body needed. I would ignore it and hope it would go away—like an ostrich with my head in the sand, convincing myself it wasn’t really that bad.
After five rear-end collisions, one T-bone, and another accident that totaled my car, my body had been through a lot. By the time I was 46, I needed help. I was a massage therapist, helping others with their bodies while somehow forgetting about my own.
I began to see my discomfort differently. Rather than simply something I wanted to get rid of, it became something I could pay attention to. It was a signal inviting me to stop, become aware, and listen.
This became very real for me on the mat. As I stayed with an area of tension, I could feel it begin to release. “Aaaahhh... wow... oh my... it hurts so good. I’m ready to let this go.” And sometimes a memory or an old belief would come into my awareness: “Wow. I believed I wasn’t good enough? I don’t want to believe that anymore. I am worthy of being me.”
I wasn’t just thinking about letting go—I could feel the experience in my body. I would breathe, allow myself to feel what was there, and then stretch it out. There was a sense of freedom and even joy in realizing, I don’t have to keep carrying this with me anymore.